Dear Homophobic Teenage Boy Who is Obsessed with Drawing Penises,

Now that I have seen your crude drawing of a male sex organ, I am utterly convinced of your heterosexuality and masculinity.  Body positivity is very important to me (as it should be to all of us!) and I am thrilled to see that you are so confident about the state of your privates that you felt the need to share an artistic interpretation of them on my car window.  My only disappointment is that since you traced it onto my wet-from-the-rain windshield, it nearly disappeared when I turned the wipers on.  Only nearly, though!  I had the pleasure of looking at it (well, through it) all the way to work.

click through for a related post from Cultural Capitol

I must wonder, though, exactly what kind of statement you were trying to make with your masterpiece.  Many artists draw, paint or sculpt their muses -- that from which they draw inspiration.  Would this imply that the penis is something you are constantly thinking about?  Does the penis haunt you?  If so, I applaud your genius use of irony!  You are, after all, the very picture of machismo.  Why would anyone ever think that drawing penises on walls (or tracing them onto wet car windows) is the pastime of someone who constantly has penises on their mind?

No one is an artist unless he carries his picture in his head before painting it, and is sure of his method and composition.

Claude Monet

Alternately, or perhaps even additionally, your artwork could be chalked up to an irrepressible urge for self-expression.  Like so many artists before you, you have struggled to find yourself in your craft.  And like a lucky handful of those artists, you have created something that speaks of not only your ability but also your identity.  For achieving this, I congratulate you again.  There was truly never a better way to say, "Look at me! I'm a dick!"
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Favorite new pick-up line: Tell me about the state of your privates.